writing and not

Seven years ago today, I received the news that my dad had passed away.  Of course there is still the ache of mourning, of missing someone, but everyday I think of him and can smile. 

I recognize parts of him in my own behavior, my owns strengths and weaknesses.  So I feel that even though he's in heaven and not here, he is still here with me.  He gave me part of himself that I keep with me every day.

I love you, Dad.  Thank you for who you are and who you taught me to be.

In other news, maybe I don't write on my blog enough lately.

Maybe I write whole posts

                                          then delete them. 

As I told my sister, sometimes it is hard to know what to write, how much of myself to share, how much to hold back.

I don't write just words.  These words carry the weight of my heart.  Once written and shared these words leave me vulnerable.

Yes, I like to write day-to-day stuff.  But even then, I feel sometimes that I just want to hold those things close....to live and experience living without recording it in words or pictures.

Or maybe I choose not to write to keep some mystery.

Like, I wrote recently about some workout shoes I wanted to buy, with pictures.  I went back and deleted that post.  For one, it seemed shallow.  For two, does it matter?  And for three, what if I wanted to surprise you with my new gym shoes when I saw you on the street instead of having you say, "Oh, I saw those on your blog!".

So, in not writing, I'm holding back a part of myself that I would rather share in person, parts more important than gym shoes.

But also in not writing, maybe I make it difficult for far away friends and family to feel involved in my life.  For that I'm sorry.  But I do make an effort to write handwritten letters...occasionally.

Until next time!