Seven years ago today, I received the news that my dad had passed away. Of course there is still the ache of mourning, of missing someone, but everyday I think of him and can smile.
I recognize parts of him in my own behavior, my owns strengths and weaknesses. So I feel that even though he's in heaven and not here, he is still here with me. He gave me part of himself that I keep with me every day.
I love you, Dad. Thank you for who you are and who you taught me to be.
In other news, maybe I don't write on my blog enough lately.
Maybe I write whole posts
then delete them.
As I told my sister, sometimes it is hard to know what to write, how much of myself to share, how much to hold back.
I don't write just words. These words carry the weight of my heart. Once written and shared these words leave me vulnerable.
Yes, I like to write day-to-day stuff. But even then, I feel sometimes that I just want to hold those things close....to live and experience living without recording it in words or pictures.
Or maybe I choose not to write to keep some mystery.
Like, I wrote recently about some workout shoes I wanted to buy, with pictures. I went back and deleted that post. For one, it seemed shallow. For two, does it matter? And for three, what if I wanted to surprise you with my new gym shoes when I saw you on the street instead of having you say, "Oh, I saw those on your blog!".
So, in not writing, I'm holding back a part of myself that I would rather share in person, parts more important than gym shoes.
But also in not writing, maybe I make it difficult for far away friends and family to feel involved in my life. For that I'm sorry. But I do make an effort to write handwritten letters...occasionally.
Until next time!