incredible new year

Already and before we knew it, the year 2018 is drawing to a close.  Years do that now.  They come and they go and we barely have time to get in the habit of writing the new date on checks before it's time to learn a new year (if anybody still writes checks).

I went inward this year and in doing so I regained myself, lost somewhere along the way.  There has been a lot of reflection and soul searching.  Where this leads, I'm not really sure but I do know that I can't go back.  I'm different now.

I quit this year.  I quit needing to please other people.  I quit hiding beneath weakness.  I quit living caged.  And here I am stepping into this new year with my head held high, free to fly.  And I am truly FREE.  By leaving behind what was stagnant and oppressive, I made room for everything good that is coming.

There are some things that are going to happen in 2019.  I'm bursting out of my skin wanting to shout it all from the mountaintops.  But I also see the value in keeping it close to my heart and letting time reveal what it may.  Then I remember to trust my own judgement, when I'm not overthinking things I'm pretty good at knowing when the time is right.

So here is what is coming up:

The first week of January I'll begin teaching yoga.  This is a dream realized.  It didn't just fall into my lap though.  I worked for this and I'll only continue to learn and grow.

The second week of January I'll begin a photo project, creating the illustrations for a yoga teacher training manual.

That is just the first two weeks, you guys.  There is soooo much more.

And all of this because I made a silly list almost two years ago.  That list became my turning point.  It was where I stepped off into possibility.  It fed the fire of desire for freedom that was necessary to bring me to where I am now, on the precipice of one of the most incredible years of my life.

In all of this change and growth and freedom talk, maybe there would be inspiration for someone else to step out of the ridiculous cage.  This side of freedom is a beautiful place to live.  It would be a shame for me to have made this journey without offering my hand to somebody who feels stuck.

This is an incredible life.  And you are capable of so much more than you ever thought possible.  Don't settle.  Freedom is about being so truly, madly, and deeply attached to your own soul that you can't bear a life that doesn't honor it.

I'm here to encourage you to let go.  Let go and be free.

And happy new year to us all!

allow the light to shine

It's just not possible to put into words the growth I have experienced in my heart of hearts over the past 6 months.  I think I've done more growing and learning and expanding in this short time than over the past 5 years combined.  Just today, talking with my eldest son about this very thing, he said he could see the difference in me.  It is a visible change.  I am happy.  I am free.  And it has been a very long time, if ever, since I have felt this way.

I can't attribute this happiness to any one thing.  The growth just a natural effect of many changes I implemented in my life over the course of almost two years now.  But this summer especially, when I went hiking in the woods almost everyday, I regained perspective.  The bird song and the sunshine, the trees and insects, they helped me to untangle the mess of thoughts and emotions that were tangling me up like a trapped animal.  I met up with myself again somewhere on those trails.

Pursuing yoga teacher training has been a game changer too.  It pushed me outside of everything I've ever known, caused me to think outside the box, but also to delve deeply into the things I allow in my life.

Somewhere along the journey I realized that what you put out into the world, you get back.  In the way of karma or energy or just kindness.  This is subtle or blunt.  This is little  or big.  This is tangible and intangible.  Whatever the capacity it takes on, it has proven true over this last little bit for me.  The more good I emit, by way of a smile or an act of kindness, a compliment, or an act of pure service, these things find their way back to me time and time again.  But the thing is, I'm not thinking about what might return, I'm just so joy-filled and peaceful that what shines out of me tends to be the same.

I don't know how else to say it.  I'm truly happy.  I made life changes.  I implemented some things.  I decided to pursue joy and here I am living this amazing dream.  One day last week I had just the best day.  I completed a real estate photography session then went down to the marina and took photos just because they were pretty.  I went to a coffee shop to study for a while and that night I got to teach some yoga.  Like seriously, how could a day be better???

Recently, I had a choice to make.  Option #1 would be a good business decision, make me a little money and was really the expected choice.  Option #2 was a pure heart choice, led by a desire to give of myself without expectation of anything in return.  I rolled these options around for a week or two and went with option #2.  And you guys, it came back to me in the biggest way possible!!  I'll give more details at a later date but I'll tease you with this, I have to get a passport.

So, in short (or in long really), put all of your best into the world.  Give of your heart to the people around you.  Smile at strangers.  Be nice to animals.  Treat yourself well.  Love.  Live.  Enjoy the sunshine.  Just BE and allow light to shine through you.

let go

Stand on the edge
may it be a place
or a moment.

Stand there and look.
Behind is what was
forward is what can be.

Don't fear, my friend.
Let go of the weight
that holds you back.

Lift your foot and step
forward or jump or fly.
Let go and allow
freedom to carry you
on.


-e.m.

fear is a patient friend

Fear is sticky.

It holds your hand or your foot.  It grasps firmly upon your heart.

It sits heavily on your shoulders and whispers carefully crafted words into your ear.

Whatever lies you need to hear to be stuck, to remain paralyzed.

Whatever it takes to cause you to believe that change is impossible.

Fear is a patient friend, withstanding every effort for change.

There is no forgetting in fear, every memory that solidifies fear's presence can be replayed in an instant.

Lies are manufactured in fear's belly, exuded like molten lava, changing the landscape.

But

Fear is a mirage.

If a soul can but pry one sticky finger, then another, then another and slowly, yet slowly

cast the gaze on freedom, cast the gaze forward into the light of all possibility

then step one heavy foot and the other, casting off the muck and weight of fear.

Step out of the shadows and freedom awaits there.

It's where you were meant for from the beginning.

quick chat

We're well on our way to December.  The first big wind storm came through last night but today is sunshine and calm.  I know everybody says that time whizzes by and I get it, really I do, but for reals, I don't even know what happened to the last six months.

Our Thanksgiving was pretty low-key.  The boys have been sick.  One had to work.  So, I made too much food for four people and watched part of the parade and played Scrabble and Uno and got in some studying.

Aaron and I drove to Leavenworth for Black Friday.  This has been on my list for some time.  It is a little German town up in the mountains and I've always heard how beautiful it is.  It snowed on us as we drove the 3 hours there.  We listened to Christmas music and drank coffee.  And it was beautiful when we got there.  Christmas lights and decorations and sounds.  And all the people.  So many people.  We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut (he didn't, I did), walked through the shops, watched people, drank more coffee, then decided to drive home.  We'll go back, maybe in the summer or early fall, before the snow when we can enjoy some of the outdoorsy things Leavenworth has to offer.

All in all, things are pretty good around here.

Only three weeks left of my teacher training.  I'll be sad when it's over BUT I'm looking forward to putting the stress of studying and quizzes behind me.  I intend to continue educating myself and reading but at a little more of a relaxed pace and without weekly tests!  I think when it's over mid December, I'll just take the rest of the month and do a simplicity fast.  I'll turn off my social medias, put away the lists upon lists, and just BE until the New Year.  And I'll bake Christmas cookies.  Maybe not every day, but often.

A couple weeks back I was able to do a senior photo session with one of Blake's best friends.  It was such a positive experience and I received positive feedback and it just warmed my heart.  I love taking pictures so much.  And I love working with people who are relaxed and genuine.  This session just fit the bill.

Anyhoo.  I have a quiz tonight and I really need to study because I really want to get out of the house and get outside with my dog.

Until next time!

currently

reading... The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, also studying Ayurveda, Yin Yoga, and Effective Class Assisting and Adjustment

cooking...  hit it out of the park with last night's dinner of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, brussels sprouts, and a peach/berry cobbler for dessert.

eating...  breakfast today was peach/berry cobbler, met my husband at Jumbo Burrito for carne asada nachos at lunchtime, making chicken soup with egg noodles for dinner

doing...  internet was down in my neighborhood so I had to go to the library to download some things I needed to study

going...  to class tonight.  I'll be practicing assisting on real life humans.

loving... where I am right now.  I have a tendency lately to go on and on and on and on about all the ways I'm learning and growing and changing.  It's just that my heart is so happy, my mind so at ease that I can't NOT let it just spill out of me.  So, if you've been a recipient of all of what I have to say, thank you and I'm sorry and it'll probably happen again.

thinking...  planning our Thanksgiving dinner and am disheartened by the consumerism of this country.  Why? Because my eldest son works retail and will be absent from home for a large portion of Thanksgiving day so that people can fulfill their consumer-laden lusts.  My youngest son works in a grocery store and will also be absent from home for some portion of Thanksgiving day.  This isn't what it's about folks.  We're getting it wrong.

feeling...  happy, joyful, peaceful, free, purposeful, ALIVE

hoping for...  a really great wrestling season for my boy.  It is his last year.  I'm emotional already.  Anyhoo, the season started this week, well practice did.  It'll be a few weeks before competitions start.  I don't want it to end you guys.  How do you put that into words?

smelling... diffusing Doterra's Breathe Blend (Laurel, Eucalyptus, Peppermint, Melaleuca, Lemon, Cardamom)

considering...  If you put good into the world, you're going to get good back.  Giving off the good energy, living the compassion and grace, shining the light.  Whatever it is, by it's very nature, it'll come back around.  It's true.  It happens.

finishing...  this post so I can go finish up chicken soup and head to class.

Until next time!

goodbye fear

If you follow along with my Instagram you may have seen my playing around with gravity and a tree in an inversion.  And you may have seen my bluff-side yoga practice locale.  You may continue to see more of these type things as I share more.  These things are not new to me but in the past I have let fear stop me from sharing.

Oh fear, my old friend.  Always warning me that people might judge me for doing this or that.  Always holding me back from true authenticity.  If it weren't for fear, just imagine the places you or I could be!

I had to let go of fear that first time I did a headstand.  I let go of fear when I signed up for yoga teacher training.  I have been so governed by fear that letting it go is a moment by moment practice.

So I practice yoga on a bluff, in the trees, on the beach.  I practice yoga here and there.  I practice yoga everywhere.  Sam I am.

Tonight I'm teaching a 30 minute sequence.  As I was creating the sequence, the imagery of water kept coming to mind.  The fluidity of motion, the ebb and flow of waves at the shore.  It reminds me of the quality I like to bring to my own yoga, that softness and strength that water possesses.  As I lead through what I have planned, I'm hoping to convey that idea to everyone else.  Yesterday, as I practiced this very sequence on a bluff overlooking the Puget Sound, I closed my eyes and listened to the waves on the beach below and wished I could transport that sensation to my class tonight.

In the face of fear over teaching tonight I'm harnessing confidence and grace.  I have nothing to prove and everything to share.  I might forget words.  I might forget my place.  My voice might shake.  But it doesn't matter.  None of that matters because it is not about me.

As I've mentioned before, I have no idea where this journey will take me but I'm thankful to be on it.  I'm thankful for the lessons I'm learning along the way.  I see the changes in myself and am grateful that along the way I've had the courage to change.  I'm finding freedom where before was only bondage.

Until next time!

the chicken story

Once upon a time there was a chicken named Nuggets.  She grew up with 4 sisters, each one of them very different from the next.  Nuggets was one of the smallest, larger only than her little sister Elsa who was always getting picked on.  But Nuggets was smart.  She was the problem solver of the group.

Feathers of gray in as many shades as you can imagine, she grew to lay the most beautiful pale green eggs. Although, they were each so special that she didn't lay them often.  Beauty takes time, she thought.  But it didn't matter, what she lacked in egg laying speed she made up for in running speed.  "Faster than the wind" her sister's liked to say.  She loved tucking her head down and running like a bullet.

Nugget's eldest sister Mintie, was a great leader.  She always knew where the best food was and if she couldn't find any she was very vocal to the humans to bring her some.  She shared with her sisters and was a very pleasant friend.  One tragic night, a raccoon took Mintie's life and the family was shattered, at least for a day while they adjusted.  Chickens are resilient and bounce back from tragedy rather quickly.

Life continued on for the four remaining sisters.  They spent their days in leisure, eating insects and scratching around the garden.  One sunny Sunday, a young dog leaped over the fence and into their yard.  At first he just wanted to play but as he caught a whiff of them something changed and he dove in for blood.  The sisters scattered and hid and it wasn't until the dust settled and the humans had chased the dog away that they realized that their sister Pearl, a beautiful Buff Orpington, had been killed.

With just three of them, things were rather quiet.  Nobody felt like talking too much but they still enjoyed their days, keeping each other company as they pecked around in the sun, or hunkered in the coop in the rain.  Each day came and went, the human gave them treats of sunflower seeds and bananas.  Spring came and the cherry tree blossomed white.  As the blossoms fell they remembered Pearl who always liked to eat the sweet white petals.  Summer faded into fall and the leaves began to change in a brilliant display of color.

After breakfast was served one windy Thursday morning in the fall, a giant shadow descended into their yard.  It was big and scary and they could only scatter and hide.  Elsa ran to the safety of the coop.  Braveheart fled to the far corner of the yard and hid behind the trampoline where she could still monitor the scary shadow. She squawked as loudly as she could, hoping to warn her sisters and maybe scare the shadow away.

Braveheart's clamoring alerted the human who came outside to discover the shadow of death.  It raised it's six-foot wingspan and reluctantly lifted off the ground. Dark brown feathers and stark white head slowly evacuated the yard and Braveheart immediately made her way to Elsa's side in the coop.  But nobody knew where Nuggets had gone.

The human traced the edges of the yard, calling for her in the wind.  The height of the human allowed for a checking over the perimeter fences.  Still no Nuggets.  Everybody checked in the corners of the coop to see if Nuggets could be hiding in safety there.  Still nothing.

The wind blew strong.  Defeated, the human went back in the house.  Braveheart and Elsa recounted the harrowing adventure, all the time wondering what, or who, they could be missing.  The human came outside a few more times, retracing steps, calling for Nuggets, before returning to the house.

Finally, in what was a last ditch effort, the human enlisted the help of the small furry one she called Charlie.  His short legs leaped out the back door way with all the purpose he had and at that moment Nuggets came squeezing and straining to get out of the tight place she had wedged herself in.  Once free, she shook all her beautiful gray feathers back into place, thankful to be rid of the constriction.

After a brief show of relief toward the human she scurried to the safety of the coop and the companionship of her sisters who barely noticed her return.  The human closed them in safely and they remained their for the remainder of that day and most of the next.

A full eighteen hours after the terrifying experience, the human offered them a walk around the yard.  They cautiously scanned the surroundings and carefully took a few steps.  A big gust of wind kicked up, causing the tree branches to shake and a bunch of fallen leaves to swirl and it was so scary that the sisters could only run in circles of fear hoping to escape the fury.  Thankfully the human escorted them back to their coop and closed them in tightly, safe from terror.

To this day, the sisters live cautiously.  Scanning the sky for the great dark shadow with the giant wingspan.  The human also, watches the treetops for any signs of danger.  Sometimes though, they get warm cereal full of grains and fiber for breakfast and it causes them to forget all their worries.  There just isn't anything better than wheat germ and cornmeal to a chicken.

The End.

all the yoga, all the time

(on my mat, in pj's, with coffee, working on sequencing)

We are halfway through yoga teacher training.  5 weeks in.  5 weeks to go.  And I have a hint of discouragement (?), overwhelming (?), fatigue (?).  It is nothing bad, part of the process really.  There is just soooo much information, and a lot of self-study, and projects, and essays looming overhead, and a big public teaching session to work toward.  I just find myself a little lost in it all.  No doubt, I'll make it through, we'll each make it through and we'll never have a moment of regret except that it ended.

I'm thankful that I'm only working at the restaurant two days a week right now.  It allows me open days to stay caught up on my studies and normal life stuff.  Some of my classmates have full time jobs and I'm sure that the feelings I've been having they are having two-fold.

Just today I spent a few hours tweaking my 30 minute sequence that I will be teaching on Thursday.  and creating a sequence based on my Ayurveda dosha type (Pitta) and working on a sequence based on meridians.  All the yoga, all the time.  And it is amazing and hard and all the things.

So I am baking a cake.  An old-fashioned apple cake that will get topped with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream later on.  Because when you are feeling overwhelmed: CAKE.

And when the day ends an hour earlier and the sky gets dark and there is a chill in the air, you make a pot roast with red potatoes, onions, and carrots.  It's a thing.

So I've got the comfort food and I'm putting my nose to the grindstone and I'm getting this training stuff done.  I can't tell you what life will look like when this is over.  I've learned so much and I can't see not applying it.  Will I teach in a studio?  Will I offer private lessons?  Will I volunteer where ever yoga might be needed most?

Maybe you remember I told you about a list I had written?  Well, a year and a half ago, I shared this on this blog:

Here I stand at this new fork in the road, this junction between where I've been and where I want to be.  I wrote down the parts of life that bring me the most joy, a list of things I'm passionate about.  I studied the list, carried it with me for months.  And came to the conclusion that I need to build my life around those things.

I wrote that list during a really depressing time and the list got me through because it gave me something to work toward, it gave me purpose.  I climbed out of the pit I was in and set myself to working on some things.  And still I build.

Yoga was on that list.

I've been amazed at the changes that can be brought about just by setting yourself up with goals, a plan, and purpose.  You don't have to settle for mundane.  You don't have to feel stuck.  You are free to get out and DO THINGS that bring you joy.  Think about all the things you would do if you weren't afraid.  Then do them.

Anyhoo.  This is where I am.  Doing the things.  Stepping past fear on the daily.

How about you?

Until next time!

Sunrise during a windstorm a few days ago....

an interview

An Interview With An Aspiring Yoga Teacher

What is your experience in yoga?

Five years ago I suffered chronic back pain that affected every area of my life. Yoga was a way that I could take responsibility for my body and regain strength and health.  It was a game changer for me.   

Why do you teach?

I love yoga so much and see every benefit in living this lifestyle. I have experienced what it has done for me and teaching and sharing is a natural outpouring of that love.

What are your best or favorite poses?

Balancing poses and inversions remind me that I am capable of things beyond what I can imagine.  I used to approach these with fear but have learned to trust my body to carry me through

In short, who are you off the mat?

When not on my mat, chances are you’ll find me on a trail in the woods with camera in hand.  I jump at the opportunity to be among trees.  

What is your favorite quote?

“Courage, dear heart.” C.S. Lewis

Why do you like practicing yoga?

Yoga gives me confidence.  It introduces me to myself, the side of myself that doesn’t have limits.  It breaks down the walls and whispers words of encouragement and all of that follows me into life.

Who inspired you?

I had a teacher named Silvana that was a beam of light.  She let her heart shine and encouraged her students to do the same.  She really inspired me to start discovering my potential.  I aspire to be a teacher like that who just brings out the best in each student.

What inspires you?

I am an artist and musician, this creative side of me blends so well with my practice of yoga and allows me to soften and feel, to listen to the artistry of a yoga sequence.

What style do you like to teach?

A yummy slow flow is my jam.  Hatha and vinyasa offer a nice combination of breath and heat and movement with attention to alignment.

What feeling do you get after practice?

Shtira and sukha. Strength and softness in balance.  I’ll often feel all the feels after class because my heart has been opened and my barriers let down.  

of fear and freedom

Four weeks have flown by.  I'm four weeks into yoga teacher training and still would not want to be doing anything else.  The stretching is unbelievable and I'm not even talking physically.  Every bit of this is far outside my realm of comfort.  The meeting new people.  The talking.  The teaching in public.  The quiz taking.  The remembering of things.  But I believe so strongly in the power of yoga and a lifestyle of yoga that all of this is worth it.

In the last month I've learned more and more about letting go.  This isn't even something that is being taught in class, rather something revealed to me as I learn.  I have held on to some ideas for such a long time that to pry my hands open and relinquish these things is almost painful.  Things I'm letting go:  striving for perfection, being strong, distrusting emotions, fitting inside the box, following tradition because it is tradition.

I don't want to act the part anymore.  Talking the talk.  Walking the walk.  I just want to BE.  The weight of holding on to those things is crushing.  And the maddening thing about it is the weight I've been carrying was never meant to be carried in the first place.  What the heck have I been hauling it around for?

So little by little I learn to LET GO.  To step into FREEDOM.  The freedom that was meant for me.  The freedom I was meant to cling to.  The freedom that is available to anyone not just the few.  Here's a thought, no one has the monopoly on God.  He's bigger than all that.  He is limitless.  He is not confined.  He is not defined.  He is not a secret club that only a few have the password for.  This I am learning.  And this is the root of my freedom.

I've lived with fear.  Fear of saying the wrong thing or looking different.  Fear that I might appear weak.  Fear that I might show emotion.  Fear of what people would think of me if I was just myself.  Fear that they would dismiss me if I changed.  All that fear built up walls around me, walls meant to protect and shield and hide.  But honestly, I have changed.  I've changed so much.  And brick by brick those walls are being crushed.  I'm learning to step into freedom.  I'm learning not to hide.  I'm learning that it's ok to be weak or have emotion or to mess up or to be human.  Oh my gosh.  Let's all be human shall we?!

A lot of this stuff I've learned because of my journey with yoga.  Yoga is more than stretches.  But for the sake of simplicity let me try to explain this on a physical level.  In practicing yoga there is a mind body connection.  The body may reach a point where it says to the mind, this is the furthest I've ever gone and I'll stop here and it's just really not possible to go further.  The mind whispers gently, push on, I have faith in you.  And with that little bit of encouragement the body finds it's power to go further.

I have experienced myself do things in my yoga practice that I would have thought were impossible.  I've reached plateaus and reached further.  It is always astounding to reach into that well of possibility and pull out a full bucket.  In yoga it is called finding your latent potential and it is a lifelong journey.

Physical achievements are but one aspect of yoga so don't think that I'm talking about finally touching my toes or standing on my head.  It is not solely putting the body into a position to achieve a photo worthy pose.  When I can reach into that well of possibility, where I thought I had reached the bottom and drained it dry, and pull up a full bucket, it is at that point that we've reached past the body and into harmony.

Now we have stepped beyond the physical aspect.  Apply those things to life.  That is yoga.



I'll add some words from Will Smith here.  The Fresh Prince of Bel Air has some wise things to say!

Be able to go.

Get out of the middle.

Quit holding on.

Get comfortable falling.

Jump and be free.

This is where I am.  I'm jumping.  I'm asking God to reveal who He is.  I'm accepting who I am. I'm learning how to live in freedom.  I'm living without those stupid walls.  I'm nourishing the flame inside.  I'm learning how to share that light.

Please don't think for a moment that these things are easy to share.  Writing all of this and making it public is part of my journey no matter the fear I have to step through to do it.  Come what may, this is me living in freedom.

Until next time!

asanas

One aspect of the practice of yoga is the beautiful postures and poses called "asanas".  Practiced mindfully, asanas can have innumerable benefits on the systems of the body.

Simply, there are ten categories the asanas can be organized into.

1.  Standing poses improve circulation, strengthen leg muscles, and offer greater hip and knee mobility.

2.  Seated poses release the spine while cooling and calming the body.

3.  Inversions circulate the lymphatic system and decompress the lower back.

4.  Lateral bends lengthen the spine while aiding digestion and proper breathing.

5.  Twists relieve compression and gas while invigorating the nervous system.

6.  Hip openers release tension and emotions.  They strengthen the muscles surrounding the hips and expand mobility.

7.  Back bends open the front side of the body and allow greater spine flexibility.  They energize the whole body.

8.  Forward folds calm the mind, relieving anxiety and stress.  They stretch the posterior side of the body and aid in digestion.

9.  Heart and shoulder openers assist in posture correction.  They offer greater shoulder mobility and can help unstick emotions.

10.  Balancing poses improve focus and strength.  They boost confidence and help with circulation.

One well thought out yoga sequence can touch on each of these categories and bring loads of healing and energy and calm and heat and flexibility.  Who wouldn't want this???

body systems

Yoga is more.

Whatever you think it is.  It is more.

When you think you have an idea.  Go deeper.

My own experience has shown me multifaceted benefits to the practice of yoga.  I have felt the progression.  I have lived the changes.  And still there is more.

Just to nick the surface a little I wanted to share the benefits to seven systems of the body from the practice of yoga.

Every body has a skeletal system.  It's what gives stability to your muscles.  It holds you up.  It frames your body.  Our bones are living tissue.  The practice of yoga keeps your joints healthy and lubricated.  It aids in the regenerating of blood cells in the marrow.  It lengthens the muscles that surround the bones.  It corrects posture issues.  Pretty sweet deal, right?

Every body also has a muscular system.  Muscles allow us to move.  They take us places.  And with yoga, those muscles are going to have a greater range of flexibility.  Yoga gently lengthens and strengthens most every muscle in the body.  It relieves tension and opens up the fascia.  Muscles and yoga are a match made in heaven.

The cardiovascular system transports oxygen, nutrients, hormones, and cellular waste.  Blood is life  and 5 liters of it are circulated through the body.  The practice of yoga lowers the risk of heart disease, lowers blood pressure, and lowers bad cholesterol.  It can also help the body to become more sensitive to insulin, thus controlling blood sugar.

Without a nervous system we would be a wreck.  This system collects information from inside the body and from the environment outside, sending it to the brain for storing and for appropriate responses.  The nervous system regulates the functions of our organs and sends commands to every area of the body.  Yoga's part in the health of the nervous system is astounding.  It helps the body recognize good and bad tension, allowing for appropriate responses.  It supports physiological well being.  Specific postures can induce energy or relaxation.  With practice, a yogi can learn to control aspects of the nervous system.

The endocrine system houses our hormones and glands, regulating body growth, sexual function, mood, metabolism, and tissue function.  Yoga stimulates glands, stabilizing hormonal fluctuations.  Yoga stimulates blood flow to the hypothalamus, the portion of the brain that has direct control over the endocrine system and interestingly is also the center of our emotions.

Our lymphatic system is a powerhouse network that makes immune cells that help the body fight infection.  It filters the lymph fluid of bacteria and cancer cells.  It even transports fat from the digestive system.  A work horse!  Muscular contractions in yoga stimulate the lymph channels.  Yoga improves circulation, allowing that network to transport the good stuff and filter out the bad.

Finally, the digestive system.  I don't think we need an explanation of the importance of the digestive system but let's talk about what yoga does for your digestion.  Yoga postures provide an internal massage of the digestive tract.  They strengthen the muscles of the internal organs and ensure a steady flow of blood and oxygen.  Bowels are regulated.  Bloat is decreased.  All good things.

Can you think of the people around you that struggle with any one of these areas?  More than one?Are you afflicted in any one of these areas?  Yoga can seriously help.  I'm not even trying to sell you anything.  It's just that, if you see a friend drowning, you are going to throw them a rope or a life ring, right?  This is your life ring.

how it's going

I'm already in week 3 of yoga teacher training and it has been such an incredible experience.  Every thought and emotion has been drawn out of me for evaluation and growth.  I've been humbled and empowered.  I've shed tears and shined smiles from the heart.

In the first two weeks, my body was sore.  So sore.  But strengthening.  It's not all about getting stronger and becoming more flexible.  It's about the journey and what you learn along the way.  My body is learning to realize it's latent potential.  I'm learning to trust myself and rise stronger.  I'm learning to connect my body with my mind and my heart.  That is what yoga is, a unity within, and in turn, unity without.

In the second week I was presented with a fact about myself.  I'm a perfectionist.   Nobody had to tell me this fact.  It honestly revealed itself to me in a moment of great humbling.  I got sad.  I got mad.  Then I learned.  The reason I'm a perfectionist is because I'm afraid of being wrong.  Afraid of how I'll appear to an onlooker.  Hmm... Interesting.  Fear cripples a person and prohibits them from going further, prohibits growth and authenticity.  I don't want to live crippled by perfectionism.  I want to be FREE to make mistakes and be seen as a fallible human.  So, I'm working on this.  A little less OCD and a little more FREEDOM.

My classmates are so great.  There are 8 of us and we are all about as different from each other as you can get.  We all come from different places, brought here for different reasons, but together there is such unity of heart.  When I hear them talk, I think, ah! these are my people!!  I would probably have never known them if it weren't for yoga but despite our differences, we have become family.  They are supportive and compassionate and I adore each one of them for the light they share.

My life and my world are very much overtaken right now with everything yoga.  I'm studying a lot.  I'm practicing a lot.  I'm audibly cueing sequences while hiking.  I'm dreaming about poses.  I'm meditating on the history and changes that have come about in yoga.  This is only a 10 week course and I want to soak in as much as possible, learn as much as I can, and not take a moment of it for granted.

Life still happens.  I make sure to fix my family dinner before I leave for class.  I keep the house clean.  I harvest my garden.  I love on my puppy dog.  And I really, really try to take a little time "off" of yoga to rest my mind and recharge.  Right now, in fact, I'm going to take my dog and my camera somewhere pretty on the island, and enjoy the sunshine.

Until next time!

currently

Maybe time for a catching up post, it's been awhile.
So here I offer you my list of currently....


Reading... The Heart of Yoga by TKV Desikachar

Cooking... The menu for this week includes:

• pork chops with mashed sweet potatoes and broccoli  
• beans and ham with greens and cornbread
• shepherd's pie
• chicken fajitas
• white chicken chili 

Eating...  I'm under the weather so while I was out I picked up some canned vegetable soup (low sodium) and sushi (for good measure) to eat in bed under the covers for my lunch.

Doing...  This morning I met up with three of my coworkers for some hot yoga.  These girls are pretty great and it was really fun to get to sweat next to them.  I love that we can support each other and recognize each other's inherent strengths without feeling intimidated.  Girl power at it's finest!

Going...  Last week I toured an art museum.  This week I'm going to a history museum.  Yes, by myself.  No, I don't mind.  I really find myself to be stimulating company and I'm never at a loss conversationally.  Drama is at a minimum and I can stay or go whenever I desire.

Loving...  You guys, I am fulfilling a dream of mine right now as I participate in a 10 week intensive yoga teacher training class.  Classes are four nights per week.  I'm one week in and have already learned so incredibly much.  I'm humbled by what I don't know but open and eager to grow.  My fellow students bring with them a distinct energy and warmth as we travel this road together.  Really, I can't put into words how happy I am.  More to come.
 
Discovering...  My favorite woods have been changing with the seasons.  Now it is cool and rainy.  Mushrooms are prevalent and the trails smell damp, of decomposing leaves.  I have to wear more layers and not mind getting rained on but it is still so beautiful. I will never tire of going to the woods.

Enjoying...  I'm enjoying being alive, here, right now.  I'm enjoying the rainy days and the early evenings.  I'm enjoying watching people, interacting with them, learning from them.  I'm enjoying being in my skin.  I'm enjoying taking study trips to coffee shops.  I'm enjoying change and growth.

Thinking...  Mostly what I'm thinking about is sequencing yoga classes.  Our homework this week is to create a 15 minute sequence which may sound simple but it's stinkin' hard for a beginner.  In 15 minutes I need to include some centering, some warming up, a Sivananda Namaskar, a Surya Namaskara A, a Surya Namaskara B, 3 standing poses, a seated pose, and of course Savasana.  And I have to know how to verbally cue students into and out of everything.  I wake up at night sequencing, verbally cueing, and generally panicking.  Ha!  But honestly I wouldn't want to be doing anything else.

Feeling...  sick.  I don't get sick often so when I do I get really whiney about it.  So I'm going to sit here with Kleenex hanging out of my nostril because I can't sniff or blow and I'm going to be miserable until I get better which will be soon because my body is an awesome self-healing machine.

Hoping for...  sanity and grace as we traverse this Senior year with Blake.  We have cap and gown already (!).  We have financial aid and scholarships to apply for.  There will probably be some college applications coming up.  He's still talking to some military branches.  And I know that these months leading up to graduation are going to scream by and it kind of hurts, but in a good way.

Listening to...  most recently Shawn Mendes

Celebrating...  My husband's birthday is this month.  I'll gladly celebrate him because he is the best person I know.  I already have his gift tucked away a few weeks early.

Smelling...  Nothing.  Stuffed up nose.

Thanking...  I don't know, I'm just thankful.  Like ooey-gooey thankful.  I'm thankful that we were able to get my husband in for an eye exam and get some glasses ordered so he can see.  I'm thankful that we can take charge of our health with vitamins and food and oils and hydration and YOGA!  I'm thankful for cute shoes.  I'm thankful for people that are genuinely supportive in good times and bad.  I'm thankful for the ability to purchase a couple used vehicles that we really like and sell a vehicle that we didn't need any more.  I'm thankful for the list I made a year and a half ago that set about changes in my life that have brought me to where I am today with a photography business (however slow it may be) and yoga teacher training begun.  I'm thankful.

Considering...  Maybe all this positive talk would lead a reader to believe that life is just sunshine and lollipops over here but please don't be mislead.  There is stress and weariness just the same as thankfulness and joy.  There is a lot of stretching and things that are not comfortable.  But I am an eternal optimist and even if I were to list the negative things in my life I could in turn list to you why/how there is a positive attached to it, or I'd sure try to anyhow.  I'm the finder of the silver lining.

Finishing...  this post so I can go read my homework.  I have homework!!  And essays!!  And quizzes!!

Until next time ❤

my yoga journey

There was a time that I suffered from back pain on a daily basis.  I spent days bent sideways because my back was so seized up that I couldn't lift into a full stand.  Ibuprofen did nothing to ease the pain.  Every morning I'd go to work and just tighten my jaw to make it through the day.  I couldn't carry heavy things without extreme pain.  I couldn't sit for long or stand.  I couldn't run or jump.  My body was stiff, my abilities were stifled.  My mantra became "I can't".

I saw a "natural" chiropractor a couple of times.  There was no relief and the visits seemed to exacerbate my pain.  This doctor told me I'd be in the same pain as long as I worked the same job. The best she could do would be to minimize my suffering but there really wasn't much she could do.

I got in with a different chiropractor, the best one in our area.  After a couple of visits my pain eased.  She was able to release the tight muscles and realign my body and she taught me some things I could do at home.  I saw her every three months and experienced that terrible back pain only occasionally.  But it was better, I had some relief.

Even with relief, I began to suspect that there was something more I could do.  I didn't want to be married to chiropractor visits for the rest of my life and I was still not feeling strong.  I came to the conclusion that I needed to heal myself from the inside out.  My body was my responsibility and I needed to take the reins and get myself stronger.

After seeing the chiropractor for a year I asked how she felt about yoga.  She felt that yoga could definitely be beneficial to my back health and I began right away.

I was not new to yoga at this point but I'd not practiced in quite some time.  A little side story, my first experience with yoga was at an athletic club where I worked in California.  I received access to the equipment and classes for free.  I had tried the kickboxing class and thought I might try this thing called yoga.  Those first few classes made me feel so awkward, I remember the instructor correcting my alignment in down-dog repeatedly and I felt that I might never get the hang of it.  I stuck it out and appreciated the calming effect that it had.  Eventually I left my job there and we moved away.  But I carried the tiny little flame of yoga deep, deep within.

When I returned to yoga in the hopes that I could help my back pain, I remember so vividly the first class and how my body just fell right into the rhythm.  It rekindled the little flame, brought to remembrance the strength and health my body was capable of.  I shed silent tears in those first few classes, not tears of pain or sadness, but because I was so moved by the power of the flame inside of me, by the power I could feel stirring to life.

It has been more than four years since my last chiropractor visit.   I can run.  I can jump.  I can do a headstand.  I'm stronger and more flexible than I've ever been.  I'm confident in what I can do and accepting of the things I struggle with.  I've learned to listen to my own body and respect it and treat it well.

Part of why I had so much pain in my lower back is because my body is just not symmetrical (not many bodies are) and it causes all of my alignment to be off.  With the deep stretching and strengthening that yoga offers I have been able to keep the ligaments and muscles limber so they don't seize up.  The muscles that support my back and my movements are also strengthened, carrying me every day with strength and a firm foundation.

My yoga is a journey.  It uncovers my weakness and strengths.  It exposes thoughts and emotions.  It isn't an emptying of the mind as some would claim but a mindfulness and an awareness.  As I practice, my walls are torn down.  The walls that time and complacency erect, the walls that keep me from doing things I once thought impossible (like running!).  My body's physical potential is unearthed and with it, my confidence.

I breathe now and I'm thankful for every breath.  I'm thankful for this body, for what it does for me, and for how it cares for me.  We get along now, this body and me.  We carry each other.

And I'm thankful for yoga.  Yoga taught me to love me and allowed me to find my flame.

bravely unveiling truth

Each day, one foot in front of the other.  Sometimes it's baby steps, sometimes it feels like leaps, and even sometimes it's slipping backward.  Mostly, I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm a 40 year old woman on the verge of an empty nest and I still don't know what I'm doing with my life.  Does anyone ever know?  Is it possible to know?

I feel like doctors probably know.  The ones who graduated high school, went immediately to medical school.  Did their time in residencies.  Gained experience.  Saved lives.  They probably have it figured out.  They have their medical insurance plans figured out.  They have their retirement accounts figured out.  There's a handle on life and they have a firm grip.

A lot has changed in my mind, in my heart, in my soul over the last little while.  I often reflect back over the last 20 years of adulthood in this skin.  There have been times I struggled so much, with myself, with the world.  Other times that I just pasted on some fake façade to keep up appearances.  Some things have been steady, some things have proven to be easily eroded away.  And still I don't know that I'm any closer to having it figured out.

A year ago I opened a photography business.  Why?  Because I LOVE taking pictures.  I LOVE finding beauty in things and sharing it.  Over this year I have learned some things.  When you add money into a passion it strips that passion of it's power.  Photography is a competitive business of perfection.  Clients will cancel at the last minute and never return your phone calls.  The state, the county, the city all want a piece of the pie, even if it is a tiny crumb.  Sometimes, you don't get paid.  At all.

The business, if it shall remain, will be changing course.  I vacillate between feeling like a quitter and also feeling empowered because I am willing to continue moving forward.  Either way, I'm unsure of what this looks like, this new course.  In the meantime, I'm going to continue taking pictures because it makes my soul happy, if for no other reason.

The changes continue.  The need to accept what isn't working and move forward.  Although sometimes that moving forward feels impossible because it is so easy to feel trapped.  I've spent too long disillusioned, trying to fit the square peg in the round hole.  I don't want to cover things up with flowery words.  I want to uncover truth.  I want to dig and find it and no longer just accept and repeat the approved vocabulary.  I've seen the system.  I've seen behind the curtain.  And I think maybe there's a whole lot that is being missed.  There's a whole lot that is purposefully overlooked.  There's a whole lot that is covered over for ease.  There's a whole lot that is said that isn't truth.

Ah, don't you love when someone speaks from the heart but veils the actual matter?  That last paragraph was quite veiled but maybe someday I will feel brave enough to speak the whole matter.  Until then, I'm going to keep going on long hikes in the woods to sort out my head, to clear the opinions from the facts.  I'm tired of opinions, guys.  That's a fact.

How about you?  Have you ever had to make big life changes that scared the wits out of you?  Have you ever walked away from something toxic into the unknown?  Have you ever put on your brave pants and just did the thing that needed doing?  Let me know!  Share your story with me!

our story and pictures

When we got married 21 years ago, we were both working at Papa Murphy's.  He was the lead opener and assistant manager.  I was the lead closer and shift supervisor.  At just 19, we didn't have a lot of money between us.  We did our wedding on the cheap.  And we couldn't afford to take much time off.  Our manager complained a bit but gave us 3 days.  We took the day before to prepare, the day of to actually get married (of course), and the day after to swoon and relax.  No honeymoon really.  But the following weekend, or maybe two weeks later we ended up with 2 days off together.  After I finished my closing shift we took off.  It was late.  Probably after 10.  And we drove.  We drove south down the Oregon coast until we couldn't keep our eyes open and we pulled into the first empty spot in some campground and we slept in our seats in the car without paying for the spot.  We woke at dawn and tore out of that campsite and drove on down the road.  Eventually we ended up in Coos Bay where we camped again, paying for our site this time.  It rained torrentially that night and everything got wet.

This has been our adventure.

Leading up to our anniversary this year my sweet Aaron devised a plan to surprise me with a trip retracing that "honeymoon" trip we took.  But I wiled it out of him because I'm devious like that.  We didn't retrace the steps exactly but there was a bit of camping, there was rain, and the Oregon coast starred in most of the trip.

Day #1 we left Whidbey Island by ferry and drove south to Ilwaco, Washington.  We had a campsite reserved and planned to sleep on an air mattress in the back of our little pickup (with a canopy).  We went out to dinner to a cute little Italian place.  The owner was there and learned that it was our anniversary.  He treated us to chocolate cake and homemade tiramisu to take with us.  It was so special and sweet.

Back at the campsite, air mattress blown up, we learned that it didn't *perfectly* fit into the canopy.  Rather, it had a high side above one wheel well.  But being the easygoing, go with the flow people we are, we accepted it with a laugh.  It rained really hard that night.  And we learned that our canopy is not water tight.  Dawn came and I was so relieved to be rid of the wheel well in my ribs, we packed up quickly and were on the road before 7.

Day #2 coffee and breakfast at Street 14 Café in Astoria, Oregon.  This is the town I grew up in.  This is the town I met him in.  This is the town we married in and the town we left less than a year later in search of our adventure.  But this café on 14th Street has the best fresh baked lemon poppyseed scones I have had EVER.

After coffee and a scone we set off down the coast and made it to Cannon Beach by 8:30.  The fog was thick, and the ocean was gray, but it was so beautiful.  We saw pelicans and puffins.  We saw a seagull that I'm certain was mourning the death of a friend.  And it was all just so dang breathtaking!

Pelican...

Puffins...

Tillamook Head Lighthouse...

We drove on.  This coast of Oregon, this Pacific Ocean, is unlike anywhere I've been.  Oregon is HOME for me.  Born and raised.  I moved away at 24 but no matter where I go in that beautiful state it always feels like home, from the coast to the mountains, to the Columbia River Gorge, to the dry eastern side, it is familiar and welcoming.

Looking north toward Lincoln City...

South, from Yaquina Head Lighthouse

Those large rocks are teeming with Common Murres (stinky, loud migratory birds)

A rock full of Common Murre

They are somewhat like a small penguin, except they can fly...

Another rock covered in birds...

Yaquina Head Lighthouse, still in use...

We reached our motel in the late afternoon.  Years ago, for our first few anniversaries we stayed at The Whaler in Newport.  My thoughtful husband reserved a room for us again this year.  It's not a fancy resort motel but it is right at the edge of the ocean and we had a room on the 3rd floor and the moment we walked in to our room, we walked to the balcony and saw whales just offshore.

Whales!!

That evening we walked to a nearby restaurant and had a nice dinner while we watched the sun set into the clouds on the horizon over the Pacific Ocean.  We walked on the beach in the dark before heading back to our motel.

Day #3  Driving further south down the coast.  We stopped at Devil's Churn before heading on down to the Sea Lion Cave.  Both sights were captivating and we had a great time at both.  We took in the Oregon Coast Aquarium and the waterfront shops in Newport before a fancy dinner at a fresh seafood restaurant.  Salmon for me, rockfish for him.  Back to the motel for a swim in the indoor pool to finish off a very full day.

Devil's Churn...

Devil's Churn...

Sea Lion Cave...

Oregon Coast Aquarium

Shopping...

Newport waterfront...

Day #4  We drove home in relative quiet.  It is sad to reach the end of such a beautiful trip full of love and laughter.  Real life requires us to work and earn money.  But even in the mundane of every day I'm so happy with our life together.  I'm glad to share my days with him, to share all these years of memories, and to look forward to more.

Until next time!