Four weeks have flown by. I'm four weeks into yoga teacher training and still would not want to be doing anything else. The stretching is unbelievable and I'm not even talking physically. Every bit of this is far outside my realm of comfort. The meeting new people. The talking. The teaching in public. The quiz taking. The remembering of things. But I believe so strongly in the power of yoga and a lifestyle of yoga that all of this is worth it.
In the last month I've learned more and more about letting go. This isn't even something that is being taught in class, rather something revealed to me as I learn. I have held on to some ideas for such a long time that to pry my hands open and relinquish these things is almost painful. Things I'm letting go: striving for perfection, being strong, distrusting emotions, fitting inside the box, following tradition because it is tradition.
I don't want to act the part anymore. Talking the talk. Walking the walk. I just want to BE. The weight of holding on to those things is crushing. And the maddening thing about it is the weight I've been carrying was never meant to be carried in the first place. What the heck have I been hauling it around for?
In the last month I've learned more and more about letting go. This isn't even something that is being taught in class, rather something revealed to me as I learn. I have held on to some ideas for such a long time that to pry my hands open and relinquish these things is almost painful. Things I'm letting go: striving for perfection, being strong, distrusting emotions, fitting inside the box, following tradition because it is tradition.
I don't want to act the part anymore. Talking the talk. Walking the walk. I just want to BE. The weight of holding on to those things is crushing. And the maddening thing about it is the weight I've been carrying was never meant to be carried in the first place. What the heck have I been hauling it around for?
So little by little I learn to LET GO. To step into FREEDOM. The freedom that was meant for me. The freedom I was meant to cling to. The freedom that is available to anyone not just the few. Here's a thought, no one has the monopoly on God. He's bigger than all that. He is limitless. He is not confined. He is not defined. He is not a secret club that only a few have the password for. This I am learning. And this is the root of my freedom.
I've lived with fear. Fear of saying the wrong thing or looking different. Fear that I might appear weak. Fear that I might show emotion. Fear of what people would think of me if I was just myself. Fear that they would dismiss me if I changed. All that fear built up walls around me, walls meant to protect and shield and hide. But honestly, I have changed. I've changed so much. And brick by brick those walls are being crushed. I'm learning to step into freedom. I'm learning not to hide. I'm learning that it's ok to be weak or have emotion or to mess up or to be human. Oh my gosh. Let's all be human shall we?!
A lot of this stuff I've learned because of my journey with yoga. Yoga is more than stretches. But for the sake of simplicity let me try to explain this on a physical level. In practicing yoga there is a mind body connection. The body may reach a point where it says to the mind, this is the furthest I've ever gone and I'll stop here and it's just really not possible to go further. The mind whispers gently, push on, I have faith in you. And with that little bit of encouragement the body finds it's power to go further.
I've lived with fear. Fear of saying the wrong thing or looking different. Fear that I might appear weak. Fear that I might show emotion. Fear of what people would think of me if I was just myself. Fear that they would dismiss me if I changed. All that fear built up walls around me, walls meant to protect and shield and hide. But honestly, I have changed. I've changed so much. And brick by brick those walls are being crushed. I'm learning to step into freedom. I'm learning not to hide. I'm learning that it's ok to be weak or have emotion or to mess up or to be human. Oh my gosh. Let's all be human shall we?!
A lot of this stuff I've learned because of my journey with yoga. Yoga is more than stretches. But for the sake of simplicity let me try to explain this on a physical level. In practicing yoga there is a mind body connection. The body may reach a point where it says to the mind, this is the furthest I've ever gone and I'll stop here and it's just really not possible to go further. The mind whispers gently, push on, I have faith in you. And with that little bit of encouragement the body finds it's power to go further.
I have experienced myself do things in my yoga practice that I would have thought were impossible. I've reached plateaus and reached further. It is always astounding to reach into that well of possibility and pull out a full bucket. In yoga it is called finding your latent potential and it is a lifelong journey.
Now we have stepped beyond the physical aspect. Apply those things to life. That is yoga.
I'll add some words from Will Smith here. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air has some wise things to say!
Be able to go.
Get out of the middle.
Quit holding on.
Get comfortable falling.
Jump and be free.
This is where I am. I'm jumping. I'm asking God to reveal who He is. I'm accepting who I am. I'm learning how to live in freedom. I'm living without those stupid walls. I'm nourishing the flame inside. I'm learning how to share that light.
Please don't think for a moment that these things are easy to share. Writing all of this and making it public is part of my journey no matter the fear I have to step through to do it. Come what may, this is me living in freedom.
Until next time!
Until next time!
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