incredible new year

Already and before we knew it, the year 2018 is drawing to a close.  Years do that now.  They come and they go and we barely have time to get in the habit of writing the new date on checks before it's time to learn a new year (if anybody still writes checks).

I went inward this year and in doing so I regained myself, lost somewhere along the way.  There has been a lot of reflection and soul searching.  Where this leads, I'm not really sure but I do know that I can't go back.  I'm different now.

I quit this year.  I quit needing to please other people.  I quit hiding beneath weakness.  I quit living caged.  And here I am stepping into this new year with my head held high, free to fly.  And I am truly FREE.  By leaving behind what was stagnant and oppressive, I made room for everything good that is coming.

There are some things that are going to happen in 2019.  I'm bursting out of my skin wanting to shout it all from the mountaintops.  But I also see the value in keeping it close to my heart and letting time reveal what it may.  Then I remember to trust my own judgement, when I'm not overthinking things I'm pretty good at knowing when the time is right.

So here is what is coming up:

The first week of January I'll begin teaching yoga.  This is a dream realized.  It didn't just fall into my lap though.  I worked for this and I'll only continue to learn and grow.

The second week of January I'll begin a photo project, creating the illustrations for a yoga teacher training manual.

That is just the first two weeks, you guys.  There is soooo much more.

And all of this because I made a silly list almost two years ago.  That list became my turning point.  It was where I stepped off into possibility.  It fed the fire of desire for freedom that was necessary to bring me to where I am now, on the precipice of one of the most incredible years of my life.

In all of this change and growth and freedom talk, maybe there would be inspiration for someone else to step out of the ridiculous cage.  This side of freedom is a beautiful place to live.  It would be a shame for me to have made this journey without offering my hand to somebody who feels stuck.

This is an incredible life.  And you are capable of so much more than you ever thought possible.  Don't settle.  Freedom is about being so truly, madly, and deeply attached to your own soul that you can't bear a life that doesn't honor it.

I'm here to encourage you to let go.  Let go and be free.

And happy new year to us all!

allow the light to shine

It's just not possible to put into words the growth I have experienced in my heart of hearts over the past 6 months.  I think I've done more growing and learning and expanding in this short time than over the past 5 years combined.  Just today, talking with my eldest son about this very thing, he said he could see the difference in me.  It is a visible change.  I am happy.  I am free.  And it has been a very long time, if ever, since I have felt this way.

I can't attribute this happiness to any one thing.  The growth just a natural effect of many changes I implemented in my life over the course of almost two years now.  But this summer especially, when I went hiking in the woods almost everyday, I regained perspective.  The bird song and the sunshine, the trees and insects, they helped me to untangle the mess of thoughts and emotions that were tangling me up like a trapped animal.  I met up with myself again somewhere on those trails.

Pursuing yoga teacher training has been a game changer too.  It pushed me outside of everything I've ever known, caused me to think outside the box, but also to delve deeply into the things I allow in my life.

Somewhere along the journey I realized that what you put out into the world, you get back.  In the way of karma or energy or just kindness.  This is subtle or blunt.  This is little  or big.  This is tangible and intangible.  Whatever the capacity it takes on, it has proven true over this last little bit for me.  The more good I emit, by way of a smile or an act of kindness, a compliment, or an act of pure service, these things find their way back to me time and time again.  But the thing is, I'm not thinking about what might return, I'm just so joy-filled and peaceful that what shines out of me tends to be the same.

I don't know how else to say it.  I'm truly happy.  I made life changes.  I implemented some things.  I decided to pursue joy and here I am living this amazing dream.  One day last week I had just the best day.  I completed a real estate photography session then went down to the marina and took photos just because they were pretty.  I went to a coffee shop to study for a while and that night I got to teach some yoga.  Like seriously, how could a day be better???

Recently, I had a choice to make.  Option #1 would be a good business decision, make me a little money and was really the expected choice.  Option #2 was a pure heart choice, led by a desire to give of myself without expectation of anything in return.  I rolled these options around for a week or two and went with option #2.  And you guys, it came back to me in the biggest way possible!!  I'll give more details at a later date but I'll tease you with this, I have to get a passport.

So, in short (or in long really), put all of your best into the world.  Give of your heart to the people around you.  Smile at strangers.  Be nice to animals.  Treat yourself well.  Love.  Live.  Enjoy the sunshine.  Just BE and allow light to shine through you.

let go

Stand on the edge
may it be a place
or a moment.

Stand there and look.
Behind is what was
forward is what can be.

Don't fear, my friend.
Let go of the weight
that holds you back.

Lift your foot and step
forward or jump or fly.
Let go and allow
freedom to carry you
on.


-e.m.

fear is a patient friend

Fear is sticky.

It holds your hand or your foot.  It grasps firmly upon your heart.

It sits heavily on your shoulders and whispers carefully crafted words into your ear.

Whatever lies you need to hear to be stuck, to remain paralyzed.

Whatever it takes to cause you to believe that change is impossible.

Fear is a patient friend, withstanding every effort for change.

There is no forgetting in fear, every memory that solidifies fear's presence can be replayed in an instant.

Lies are manufactured in fear's belly, exuded like molten lava, changing the landscape.

But

Fear is a mirage.

If a soul can but pry one sticky finger, then another, then another and slowly, yet slowly

cast the gaze on freedom, cast the gaze forward into the light of all possibility

then step one heavy foot and the other, casting off the muck and weight of fear.

Step out of the shadows and freedom awaits there.

It's where you were meant for from the beginning.

quick chat

We're well on our way to December.  The first big wind storm came through last night but today is sunshine and calm.  I know everybody says that time whizzes by and I get it, really I do, but for reals, I don't even know what happened to the last six months.

Our Thanksgiving was pretty low-key.  The boys have been sick.  One had to work.  So, I made too much food for four people and watched part of the parade and played Scrabble and Uno and got in some studying.

Aaron and I drove to Leavenworth for Black Friday.  This has been on my list for some time.  It is a little German town up in the mountains and I've always heard how beautiful it is.  It snowed on us as we drove the 3 hours there.  We listened to Christmas music and drank coffee.  And it was beautiful when we got there.  Christmas lights and decorations and sounds.  And all the people.  So many people.  We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut (he didn't, I did), walked through the shops, watched people, drank more coffee, then decided to drive home.  We'll go back, maybe in the summer or early fall, before the snow when we can enjoy some of the outdoorsy things Leavenworth has to offer.

All in all, things are pretty good around here.

Only three weeks left of my teacher training.  I'll be sad when it's over BUT I'm looking forward to putting the stress of studying and quizzes behind me.  I intend to continue educating myself and reading but at a little more of a relaxed pace and without weekly tests!  I think when it's over mid December, I'll just take the rest of the month and do a simplicity fast.  I'll turn off my social medias, put away the lists upon lists, and just BE until the New Year.  And I'll bake Christmas cookies.  Maybe not every day, but often.

A couple weeks back I was able to do a senior photo session with one of Blake's best friends.  It was such a positive experience and I received positive feedback and it just warmed my heart.  I love taking pictures so much.  And I love working with people who are relaxed and genuine.  This session just fit the bill.

Anyhoo.  I have a quiz tonight and I really need to study because I really want to get out of the house and get outside with my dog.

Until next time!

currently

reading... The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, also studying Ayurveda, Yin Yoga, and Effective Class Assisting and Adjustment

cooking...  hit it out of the park with last night's dinner of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, brussels sprouts, and a peach/berry cobbler for dessert.

eating...  breakfast today was peach/berry cobbler, met my husband at Jumbo Burrito for carne asada nachos at lunchtime, making chicken soup with egg noodles for dinner

doing...  internet was down in my neighborhood so I had to go to the library to download some things I needed to study

going...  to class tonight.  I'll be practicing assisting on real life humans.

loving... where I am right now.  I have a tendency lately to go on and on and on and on about all the ways I'm learning and growing and changing.  It's just that my heart is so happy, my mind so at ease that I can't NOT let it just spill out of me.  So, if you've been a recipient of all of what I have to say, thank you and I'm sorry and it'll probably happen again.

thinking...  planning our Thanksgiving dinner and am disheartened by the consumerism of this country.  Why? Because my eldest son works retail and will be absent from home for a large portion of Thanksgiving day so that people can fulfill their consumer-laden lusts.  My youngest son works in a grocery store and will also be absent from home for some portion of Thanksgiving day.  This isn't what it's about folks.  We're getting it wrong.

feeling...  happy, joyful, peaceful, free, purposeful, ALIVE

hoping for...  a really great wrestling season for my boy.  It is his last year.  I'm emotional already.  Anyhoo, the season started this week, well practice did.  It'll be a few weeks before competitions start.  I don't want it to end you guys.  How do you put that into words?

smelling... diffusing Doterra's Breathe Blend (Laurel, Eucalyptus, Peppermint, Melaleuca, Lemon, Cardamom)

considering...  If you put good into the world, you're going to get good back.  Giving off the good energy, living the compassion and grace, shining the light.  Whatever it is, by it's very nature, it'll come back around.  It's true.  It happens.

finishing...  this post so I can go finish up chicken soup and head to class.

Until next time!

goodbye fear

If you follow along with my Instagram you may have seen my playing around with gravity and a tree in an inversion.  And you may have seen my bluff-side yoga practice locale.  You may continue to see more of these type things as I share more.  These things are not new to me but in the past I have let fear stop me from sharing.

Oh fear, my old friend.  Always warning me that people might judge me for doing this or that.  Always holding me back from true authenticity.  If it weren't for fear, just imagine the places you or I could be!

I had to let go of fear that first time I did a headstand.  I let go of fear when I signed up for yoga teacher training.  I have been so governed by fear that letting it go is a moment by moment practice.

So I practice yoga on a bluff, in the trees, on the beach.  I practice yoga here and there.  I practice yoga everywhere.  Sam I am.

Tonight I'm teaching a 30 minute sequence.  As I was creating the sequence, the imagery of water kept coming to mind.  The fluidity of motion, the ebb and flow of waves at the shore.  It reminds me of the quality I like to bring to my own yoga, that softness and strength that water possesses.  As I lead through what I have planned, I'm hoping to convey that idea to everyone else.  Yesterday, as I practiced this very sequence on a bluff overlooking the Puget Sound, I closed my eyes and listened to the waves on the beach below and wished I could transport that sensation to my class tonight.

In the face of fear over teaching tonight I'm harnessing confidence and grace.  I have nothing to prove and everything to share.  I might forget words.  I might forget my place.  My voice might shake.  But it doesn't matter.  None of that matters because it is not about me.

As I've mentioned before, I have no idea where this journey will take me but I'm thankful to be on it.  I'm thankful for the lessons I'm learning along the way.  I see the changes in myself and am grateful that along the way I've had the courage to change.  I'm finding freedom where before was only bondage.

Until next time!