crazy kool aid

I'm sitting down to a steaming mug of honey-lavender tea.  It is late afternoon and the sun is low in the sky.  There are so many words that constantly swirl about in my mind but when I sit here in front of the screen, that blinking cursor befuddles me.

It does seem as if what I have written in my blog or what I speak of on social media and even in-person all has the same theme.  This is where my life is at the moment.  My heart is filled with thankfulness for the growth I have experienced in the last little while.  It overflows in conversation, it overflows into everything and I just can't hold it in.  I keep a personal journal and even there the common theme is joy and thanks.

There was a moment of truth where I realized I had to LET GO to be free and ever since that moment there has been so much goodness that has flooded over me and through me.  It's like everyday I'm given this gift and the joy comes and my heart smiles and I love people and I smile at them and they smile back.  When I let go the good things started happening, from little subtle things to gigantic overt things.

And I know that these changes may not make sense to some.  I've heard some murmurings.  It could seem that I've gone off the deep end.  It could seem that I'm stepping away from everything I've known.  And in a way, I am.  I lived a long time in bondage to fear and tradition.  Now, I'm learning how to live in the freedom I was intended for, that everyone is intended for.  I'm learning yet.  Not arrived.  So while I work through this, trust that I'm not crazy and haven't started drinking the crazy Kool-Aid.

currently

Here are some things happening around here lately...

watching... I'm picky, soooo picky about watching anything.  Like really, really picky.  So...the safe bet is episodes of I Love Lucy.  And Fuller House (who doesn't love cheesy?).  And maybe once a week I'll catch Jeopardy.

cooking... I haven't cooked for four days.  FOUR!  But tonight I'm making a garlic parmesan pasta soup with salad.

eating...  lunch was takeout from the teriyaki place because both of my boys and I are home all day (rare occasion).  I had vegetable yakisoba.

drinking... all the water, all the coffee, and an Earl Grey Numi tea

calling... rarely

texting... in the last 4 days: Maria, Aaron, Austin, Molly, Dini, Blake, and Anna

doing... researching vaccines for international travel and weighing the pros and cons 

going... tomorrow night we are going to a wrestling dual.  The Senior wrestlers (my boy included) will be honored on this night, their last night to compete in their home gym.

loving... having my boys around, I know our time is short, so I cherish the noises and smells and sounds of their presence

wearing... comfy jeans and a sweatshirt, it's my only do-nothing day

discovering... this month I began a new yoga class at a local studio and I also began teaching a few classes per week at our local fitness center so in all of that I'm discovering new people, new yoga sequences, new waking schedules, new challenges, new accomplishments, and new growth

enjoying... thoroughly enjoying this life I get to live, the changes I've walked through in the last little while have brought me here.  I feel free.  I feel strong.  And I feel thankful.  

feeling... impatient excitement as we count down to our family vacation on Maui.  Sun, sand, and the aloha spirit have been calling since we left Kauai.  I can't wait to get back.

working...  I'm working on a yoga photography project, teaching yoga four times per week, and working 2 shifts per week at the restaurant.  In the in-betweens, I'm practicing a lot of yoga, creating sequences and playlists, keeping my house in order, planning our vacation, and in general, balancing a lot of to-do lists

listening... I listen to a lot of music as I craft playlists to accompany my yoga classes.  I create each playlist to follow the flow of a class, quiet and subdued in the beginning, building in energy into the middle, slowing and quieting toward the end, then a nice long savasana.  I'm building a collection that I can rotate through.

celebrating... over the weekend my youngest son won his 99th, 100th, 101st, and 102nd varsity wrestling matches.  This is a great accomplishment!!  To brag on my oldest son for a second:  he is a key carrier for Dick's Sporting Goods and is often the manager on duty.  He is responsible for managing the store, closing at the end of the day, counting down the money and making sure the numbers are right, getting the employees out safely and locking everything up.  He's 19.

smelling... diffusing orange, lemon, and eucalyptus oils today

thanking...  I've said it a lot lately...I'm so very thankful.

Until next time...

harmony

Eighteen days into this new year...

What has changed for you?

I know there are some who balk at choosing a word or phrase for the year.  But, what if it chooses you?  Last year, sometime in mid-summer, the word FREEDOM hit me upside the head and stayed close to my heart.  It was everywhere and always forefront in my thoughts.

On January 1st, the word HARMONY, found it's way to me.  I wasn't looking for it and I was a little sad to see my other word go.  Momentarily I even tried to hold on to it, but it had lost it's power and here was HARMONY staring me in the face, demanding I take notice.

Here's what HARMONY means for me:

Balance

Not a balancing act.

Nor, juggling to keep up with everything.

Rather, a balance that comes with surrender.  A balance that comes when what I think, say, and do are in line with each other.  Balance that comes when I live in full freedom while remaining grounded.  Balance in holding on and letting go.

As I've mentioned it is going to be quite the year around here.

Looking at what is in store, I know now that I needed the word HARMONY at the forefront of my mind to guide me through.

There is a lot of change expected in this year.  Change that is at once necessary, painful, and beautiful.  There are opportunities in this year to see and do things I/we have never done before.  There is opportunity for immense growth and learning.

All the while it is HARMONY that allows for the leaning into change.  It is that balance that knows when to hold tight and when to let go.  It isn't going to be easy, not at all.  But it is going to be worth it.  It is going to be so beautiful when we can look back at the colorful tapestry that was woven through our lives in these 365 days.

Out of clutter, find simplicity

From discord, find harmony

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity

-Albert Einstein