go my own way

Criticism comes and goes.  Everybody has an opinion.  And for the most part, I'm pretty good and going my own way.  But sometimes.  Sometimes it cuts me off at the knee.

I'm super sensitive.  Sensitive in that I am hyper aware of things.  Sensitive in that said things can have a deep impact on me.  I have learned to protect myself from triggers.  I don't really watch the news, I try to not to click on the online news articles about sensitive subjects, basically I guard myself carefully.

It's probably similar to sticking your head in the sand.  I can't see it but that doesn't mean it isn't there.  The things that I fill my time with help me to see the rosy side of the world.  I photograph pretty things, I make pretty music, I grow pretty things.  Healthy or not, these are my coping mechanisms for dealing with the dark parts of the world.  I acknowledge it for what it is.

So...when I face criticisms or even healthy opinions and advice I can get a wee bit defensive.

Everything I do has a piece of my heart in it.  I don't know how to live any differently.  Every photo I take is a reflection of myself.  Even the work I do around my own house, I don't really do anything on accident.  I think through everything.  I plan it.  I second guess it.  I do it.  Then I ponder over what I've done.  Rinse and repeat.

Most of my energy, creative and otherwise, goes into building my photography.  I've learned and grown so much over the past year.  I read articles about building a business.  I research the craft.  I come across things that tell me how to build my Instagram and my Facebook.  But at the core of myself, I have decided that I will not try to fit in a box.  I will be honest and true.  I will be open and transparent.  And if that means that I lose business or I don't grow financially, for reals, I'm ok with it.  I will do it my way, with my heart and my originality or I will not do it.

Instagram says, color coordinate your postings to be a cohesive palette.  I say, I will post what I have created because I love it.

Facebook says, post once per day between the hours of 3:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m.  I say, I will post or not post at any time of day because I have something to share at that moment and it can't wait.

The world says, don't admit your insecurities and just hustle every day.  I say, I am insecurity and sometimes I just want cuddle with my dog.