I've just sat down to some leftover manicotti. It is stuffed with ricotta cheese and zucchini and covered in mozzarella and parmesan. It is vegetarian because sometimes I imagine that I want to adopt the vegetarian lifestyle for health and ethical reasons. Then I go to Applebee's and mow through an entire plate of barbeque riblets. I've never really dieted or followed any strict eating regimen. For me, mindful eating is my motto. Everything I eat is a choice and I really do try to listen to my own body's cues whether that be a craving for greens or fat. The moment I start thinking about cutting things out or eating a certain way is the moment I start craving ALL food, ALL the time. It's annoying. So, I don't diet. I just eat and enjoy food and get a good variety and make the best choices I can. I've been within the same 10 pounds for the last 20 years, my body's happy place I guess. If I'm more active it is very diligent to make sure I make up those calories and gives me all the cravings. Like clockwork.
Recently I've been very busy around my house, fixing up the front yard, keeping things mowed and taming the ivy that encroaches on two separate property lines. It's good work and keeps my mind occupied. Actually I prefer to work outside over unpleasant things like sending emails or making phone calls. Yesterday I needed to make an appointment and instead of making a simple phone call I drove to the office to set up my appointment. I don't like phone calls. It's a little ridiculous.
It's been nice to have all the outside work and the normal house upkeep lately. I've had to cut back on my photography business for the moment because I need a new computer. I'm currently saving my waitressing tips for the big purchase. I love that I have that option. My tips bought my camera too. Who new work as a server could help build a small business?
The saving for a computer is definitely two steps forward and one step back. This week I gave my oldest son money for a hotel stay. His work sent him on an overnight business trip but because of the distance and traffic, we sent him down a night early. He is excelling at his job with Dick's Sporting Goods. He just received a promotion and pay raise. Good things.
It's a weird season of life right now. As a parent. Neither of my boys really needs me, yet I still have this strong instinct to mother. They are nigh unto grown up and I treat them as such but I try to be home and available when one gets home from school or work. I try to have dinner planned each day to make sure they get a good full stomach. I can't shut off the worry or the care but I also try not to show it. So, I just be here, the face of home. And if they approach me with a problem or a question or a favor, I try not to get too excited that they DO need me occasionally. It doesn't matter if they are 2 or 20, I would lay down my life for my kids. I think about animal mothers and the strong instincts they have to protect their young. Otter moms blow warm air into their babies fur, fluffing it up thick so that they'll float on top of the water while the moms dive below in search of a meal. It is in us, keep the babies alive, keep them safe, keep them fed. It's powerful.
Anyhoo. I have a shift at the restaurant today. And I've got to fix up some dinner for my family before I leave. And a cake, from a box, just for fun.
Until next time.
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