Tuesday, September 17, 2019

reflecting

When my journey to freedom began I wrote in my journal, words from a broken heart, words that held hope and purpose.  When I read these words I can feel the determination, the moment where I felt the power in my hands to release, to simply let go, and move forward.


I have the freedom to live in my skin, to live fully and beautifully.  I am not a mistake, an accident, a mess, a flaw, a disaster, a pile of filthy rags.  I am wonderfully planned and put together.  I am a beam of warm light.  I am a friend, a strength, a vulnerable human.  I am here now and I won't live ashamed anymore.  There is power in my veins and purpose in my heartbeat.  I won't waste another breath on vanity.  Accept what is, embrace it, and release what is not.  Release fake.  Release lies. Release opinions.  Release negativity.  Here I am.  Whole.  Love. Light.
But I reflect back on the environment that caused me to believe those things, that I was anything less than an incredible creation and I grieve.  I was repeatedly told that we as a whole are dirty and rotten and there is nothing good in us.  I was told that I couldn't ever trust my emotions, that they lie and are evil.  I was told that I needed to separate myself from anyone outside the circle, guarded, wary, suspicious even.  And I believed it.

What I know now is that we as a whole are human, we fall, we learn, we grow, we create, we love.  I know now that emotions are built in tools that the body uses to survive, to adapt, to communicate and it would do us well to notice them and interpret what they are trying to tell us.  I know now that I am one of billions of people and most every human I have the opportunity to meet has something I can connect with, can grow from, or I have something to offer them, if nothing but simple kindness.

This is only my story.  This is my journey.  I can't speak for others because we are all unique and must walk our unique paths.  I refrain from details/locations/names/specifics because I'm not out to tear anyone or anything down.  Just understand that freedom is within your reach, no matter what you are being held captive by.  It takes an immense amount of bravery to realize your cage and find your way to the open sky but it can be done.  Let go and be free.

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