does Truth

I spent so many years striving to be better, to perform the requirements to be accepted.  When you want to belong you will do whatever it takes.  My heart was there.  I wanted to do right, be right, be worthy.  Little did I know that I was already worthy.  You don't have to perform to gain worthiness, to gain love.  True love isn't conditional.

Since I stepped away from the things/beliefs that held me captive I have lived in freedom.  This freedom is not permission to act how ever I want, it is not an absence of morals or an absence of faith.  The freedom is in knowing that who I am is not an accident.  My strengths, weaknesses, ideas, interests, passions, these are part of me and not something to be stomped out to whittle me into an approved shape.

I'm different then I used to be.  Where once I was an unsure, weak, timid, and afraid I am now confident, strong, bold, and free.  I see it.  I feel it.  It is in my thoughts.  Others see it.  But it isn't easy.  Well, it is, and it isn't.  It is easy to live in freedom, to have stepped fully into my authentic self.  The hard part comes when all these old habits, old thoughts come creeping in.  They take me unaware sometimes and I find myself slipping backwards, into that darkness.  But I have to tell you, I'm more aware of the light I'm living in now then I ever was before.

How do you explain this to someone who has not experienced it, I'm not sure.  I know where I was.  I felt oppressed.  I felt trapped.  I felt stuck.  I felt like a fake.  And now, since I let go and stepped forward I feel like I'm finally in the sunshine.  No longer trapped.  But let me reiterate, I know how hard the struggle is.  I know the fight within trying to release everything you ever thought was right, releasing what you had held so tightly to for so long.  It's friggin hard.  But it is a little less hard when I ask, does Truth cause a soul to feel oppressed?  Does Truth cause a soul to feel trapped?  Does Truth demand performance to gain worthiness?  I have come to the conclusion that, no, it does not.