go my own way

Criticism comes and goes.  Everybody has an opinion.  And for the most part, I'm pretty good and going my own way.  But sometimes.  Sometimes it cuts me off at the knee.

I'm super sensitive.  Sensitive in that I am hyper aware of things.  Sensitive in that said things can have a deep impact on me.  I have learned to protect myself from triggers.  I don't really watch the news, I try to not to click on the online news articles about sensitive subjects, basically I guard myself carefully.

It's probably similar to sticking your head in the sand.  I can't see it but that doesn't mean it isn't there.  The things that I fill my time with help me to see the rosy side of the world.  I photograph pretty things, I make pretty music, I grow pretty things.  Healthy or not, these are my coping mechanisms for dealing with the dark parts of the world.  I acknowledge it for what it is.

So...when I face criticisms or even healthy opinions and advice I can get a wee bit defensive.

Everything I do has a piece of my heart in it.  I don't know how to live any differently.  Every photo I take is a reflection of myself.  Even the work I do around my own house, I don't really do anything on accident.  I think through everything.  I plan it.  I second guess it.  I do it.  Then I ponder over what I've done.  Rinse and repeat.

Most of my energy, creative and otherwise, goes into building my photography.  I've learned and grown so much over the past year.  I read articles about building a business.  I research the craft.  I come across things that tell me how to build my Instagram and my Facebook.  But at the core of myself, I have decided that I will not try to fit in a box.  I will be honest and true.  I will be open and transparent.  And if that means that I lose business or I don't grow financially, for reals, I'm ok with it.  I will do it my way, with my heart and my originality or I will not do it.

Instagram says, color coordinate your postings to be a cohesive palette.  I say, I will post what I have created because I love it.

Facebook says, post once per day between the hours of 3:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m.  I say, I will post or not post at any time of day because I have something to share at that moment and it can't wait.

The world says, don't admit your insecurities and just hustle every day.  I say, I am insecurity and sometimes I just want cuddle with my dog.

life right now

What's been happening around here?  Maybe you asked, maybe you didn't.  Either way, here we are.

This is life right now.

Aaron works full time with our pastor, building and growing his plumbing business.  He has stepped away from the real estate business for a time.

Austin works at Dick's Sporting Goods as a "Lodge Associate".  In his spare time he has taught himself to play the bass guitar and continues to build on that.  On Monday he'll turn 19 years old.

Blake is a high school Junior with straight A's.  He is coming up on one year as a courtesy clerk at Haggen's.  He'll be celebrating his 17th birthday this weekend.

I am working on my photography.  I work as a server at a restaurant.  In my spare time I take pictures and make music.

We have three free range backyard chickens, a dachshund, and a king snake.

I'll be planting my garden this week.  I'm finishing projects and doing things.  We did a puzzle over the weekend.  I finished painting and distressing an old window I've had for years. 

The puzzle, thanks Mom!

 

 

 

The window.  It has so many layers of paint.  Obviously the latest is black, distressed to show the red and older white underneath.  I'm going to use this as a display for my photography.  It has three panes, so three frames. 

The garden:

• basil
• cilantro
• rosemary
• heirloom tomatoes
• gold nugget tomatoes
• a variety of sunflowers
• a garden mix of cutting flowers
• brandy boy tomatoes
• grey zucchini
• lettuce
• sugar snap peas
• rainbow swiss chard
• wax beans
• beets
• 3 potato varieties
• onions
• garlic
• cucumbers

The chickens and I have been working so hard at getting the soil fertile over the winter.  I turn the soil and compost.  They spread the compost and poop a lot.  We make a great team.

Other than that it's just normal daily things like laundry and dishes, groceries and bills.  Everybody works a different schedule and someone is usually coming or going.  It's different than it used to be, not worse, not better, just different.

I am alone a lot so I take myself on mini adventures.  Yesterday, I was hiking around at a beach in the sunshine, I try to take the road less traveled and so find myself balancing on ledges or sprawled across a crevice, or using a path that is definitely that of nimble deer and not clumsy human. For a time I watched a sparrow as it hopped around foraging.  I soaked in this moment, noticing, observing, thankful that the sparrow trusted me enough to stay. 

This was my favorite picture of the sparrow as it stood on tiptoe and craned it's neck high to gain a better vantage point:




Cute, right?

It's time to go make dinner.  Steak, golden potatoes, steamed cauliflower and broccoli.  And M&M cookies for later.

Until next time!