worth living

To write about the things in my heart
To split myself wide open and let it all bleed out
To lay open all honesty and be perfectly transparent
To write clearly and concisely about what hurts, about what heals

This is the call of my heart.  Yet I still find myself second-guessing.
I find that I harness the words, reigning them in before they even have a chance.
If I were to tell the whole story, releasing everything I've held in for years,
it may fall on deaf ears.  Some people won't hear what doesn't agree with their thoughts.

So I keep some things close in, quietly working my way around and through until
I can grow through and beyond what has kept me hindered.  It isn't necessary to lay bare
the truths about another is it?  Maybe it is only necessary to pick up my pieces and move forward.
Let others believe what they will and bravely release my own binds.

I move forward because it is the only direction I can go.  Forward, away from oppression.  Forward, away from constriction.  Forward, away from ego and false fronts.  Forward, away from sugared words and flowery promises that cover over disease and bitterness.

Fear acts like a prison, erecting boundaries around us with the intention of keeping our world small, keeping us contained.  That fear is embedded within a person so deeply that they fear leaving the boundaries.  The fear governs every decision, controls every thought, keeping guard against every person or thing that may be without the walls.

My world was so small.  Every bit of life I controlled and monitored and organized and coordinated by reason of fear, guarded from anything unfamiliar.  A self-imposed prison.

Somehow light crept in.

And as I turned my face to the light, the fear receded little by little.  As the light warmed my face, the walls came down bit by bit.  Freedom and I embraced each other like old friends separated by time and distance.

Sometimes I get stuck, clinging to remnants of my fear.  But freedom takes me by the hand and reminds me how far I've come, how much I've grown, how big and beautiful the world can be, if I just keep my face to the light.

Life used to feel monotonous and somber, constantly keeping everything in check, constantly controlling.

Now, life feels alive.

Life feels full of promise.

Life feels worth living and worth sharing.