speaking of my own experience

It occurred to me that while I have been working to fully embrace freedom from issues in my own life, there are so many issues that others are being held captive by.  It isn't only the things I'm dealing with that can cage us up and clip our wings.

Here are some thoughts that I had of things that may hold a person captive, maybe something rings true for you?

1. addictions (this is a vast category)
2. a cycle of comparing ourselves to others
3. living in darkness, an absence of light
4. eating disorders and fascination with weight
5. arrogance and egotism
6. religion and tradition
7. an abusive relationship
8. self destructive behavior
9. a job
10. refusing to change
11. fear
12. lack of motivation
13. living in the past or only for the future
14. narcissism

This is by no means an exhaustive list and each thing listed here could really have it's own sub-categories.  We must be fully aware of the fact that while some of these cages are self-imposed, many cages are erected around us against our will.  We are responsible for our choices, for how we choose to treat our own selves.  But if someone else has chosen to mistreat you, this is by no means your fault.  The fault is in them.  And while we can and should seek to change ourselves and grow, we cannot force change and growth on another soul.  If you are in an abusive situation, please seek help.  You are worthy of love, of true selfless love that cares for you and builds you up.

Sometimes the relationship we are in that tears us down, is the relationship with ourselves.  We can be our own worst enemies.  Patterns of eating disorders or negativity can cage us up and prohibit true growth and freedom.  Just our attitudes, something simple like the way we choose to look at the world and at life, can limit us.  A poor outlook will yield a poor attitude and just like that your freedom is hindered.

We just can't fly out of a cage if our wings are clipped, if our feet are tied to the perch, if we continually hold the cage door closed from the inside.  It takes letting go to be free.

When I really began my journey into freedom it was in the woods.  I was hiking almost every day over the summer.  There is something about being close with nature that can bring back perspective.  The trees sway in a breeze.  The birds sing passionately.  Bees buzz from flower to flower.  They all go about their business and don't fret about things they cannot change.

Slowly and slowly, day by day, trail by trail, I was able to release some things I had been holding on to.  I was able to regain focus on priorities.  Sometimes I only felt lost in the woods, confused, not knowing what I was supposed to do with the things I was realizing both about myself and also about the things in life that were weighing me down.  I would spend the whole time just asking, sometimes out loud, "What am I supposed to do now?"  What do you do when you come to the reality that things need to change?  How do you navigate such a massive shift when it seems impossible?

These are not easy questions.  But when I look over the list I started with here, all those things that can hold us back, I know that change is better than staying chained to whatever holds us captive.

A life of freedom is worth the letting go, it's worth that first impossible step, it's worth falling and getting back up over and over again, it's worth the continued walking forward when you feel as if you are walking waist deep in molasses, it's worth the fear your cope with as you look at changing, you are worthy of freedom.

Gosh.  This is such a huge subject.  And I've learned so much.  But it is also so very personal.  I can only walk my journey.  I can only speak of my own experience.  And I know that every single human has their own journey and experience.  But learning to embrace freedom by releasing whatever is not conducive to growth and the liberty of your very soul will have such a profound effect on you and your entire life.

My journey to freedom began in the woods.  It was there that I found my strength.  That strength emboldened me to dive into yoga teacher training.  That training opened up all new facets of life, humanity, God, love, freedom, balance, self, history, that I had never seen before.  This will not be everybody's story but it is mine.  Delving deeper with yoga allowed me to escape my cage, it gave me the courage to try out my wings.

So, hi.  My name is Eli and I've been living in freedom for almost 8 months now.  I'm still learning.  This journey is not done.  Sometimes I still live small, forgetting how far I've come.  Sometimes I don't know where the next step leads.  Sometimes I doubt this entire journey.  Change is hard and apparently change doesn't ever end because it leads to growth which leads to more change which leads to more growth.  I get tired. Where my world used to be so small and I could easily control most things, my world is now so expansive and I realize that I control nothing.

 Until next time!

i know why the caged bird sings

I've a few decades under my belt.  I've the gray hair and and sun-aged skin.  I've had a broken heart.  Life has given me lessons not learned any other way but with time.

I don't want to ever feel regret for things I've chosen, thinking if I had done it differently maybe things would be...better?  No.  There isn't really room in a lifetime for regret.  Rather, acknowledge what was, what happened and appreciate whatever came of it, what growth was realized only through the journey.

For a long time I lived with the desire to please others, to gain acceptance.  I had been trained and conditioned with the idea that if I dressed their way and spoke their way, I'd be welcomed into the fold.  Being welcomed in meant belonging.  It meant I was doing things right.

In some circles there is heavy importance placed on image.  Upholding an image is a 24 hour a day task.  It gets to be that the line between what is real and what is not becomes so blurred that a person can forget altogether where they began.  But so long as they continue to appear just so, they'll continue to be accepted.

I guess where this can get really annoying is when people will convince you that the very behavior it takes to win their approval is the same behavior it takes to win God's approval.  For so long, I thought I had to wear a skirt to be loved by God.  I thought I needed to have my hair fixed, my face fixed up.  I thought I had to say the right words.  Looking back I know I wasted so much time and energy.  Just wasted.  But no regret, remember?  Only a lesson.

It is a cage that a person builds around themselves.  The bars of the cage offer security.  You live by the rules of the cage and the cage keeps you safe.  It is a simple life.  The view never changes.  No storms come to meet you in the cage.  And the other birds in the cage look just like you, same feathers, same wings.  Everybody sings the same song.  Nobody notices that it is a mournful song.  A song of longing.

Oh sure, you've seen some birds outside the cage but you are thankful that you're not one of them.  You fit in here, on the inside.  Maybe if  you are paying attention you'll notice that the cage door is always left open but you know you'd never leave, you've been told about the birds that leave, how they are met with certain death.  Silly birds, thinking they can leave and fly off somewhere.  It's not safe out there.

But you guys, birds are not meant to live in cages and neither are we!  We were meant to soar on warm waves of wind with these wings built for flight.  We are not meant to build walls around ourselves and our "birds of a feather" and stay safely confined.  Smash the walls, bust the cage and live FREE.  

Gosh, flying free is so much different than those years of being cooped up in a cage.  I'm still learning how to do it.  Here is where regret becomes a sticky subject.  It is easy to regret the time I spent, feeling as if I wasted so long being confined.  But I have to remember that I'm only to this point in my life and experience because of what I've lived.  I can't regret experience.  But the one thing I do regret and will regret always is that what I believe of God and how to relate to Him has been so influenced by my view through the bars of a cage, by the song the other birds were singing.  What I mean is, I spent a lot of years hearing opinions about God.  I spent a lot of time listening to the thoughts of man.  And those thoughts had come about from the opinion of somebody before.  And the whole mess of it gets shaken up with opinion and judgement and out comes some sort of product that is packaged to look like God but in fact is so far removed that it just becomes nonsense.

I'm trying to learn how to strip away years and years of indoctrination, down past opinions, down past traditions to the beginning.  To God.  And that is all.  No more.  No less.

I'm not looking for religion.  I'm not looking for old-fashioned traditions.  I'm not looking for a group to align with.  Because maybe this is only between me and God.  It's cool, He knows me, we go way back.  But looking forward, I feel like we've got some ground to cover.  And I can only take one step at a time.

So, if you wonder why I've changed, here's part of it.  This isn't new.  I've been working on this for years but freedom from the cage has given me my voice.

It's really difficult to put all this into the open, mostly because I know the rehearsed lines of my friends inside the cage.  I know what you say to people who don't go to church.  I know how you treat people who have "fallen to the wayside".  There is pity.  There is judgement.  There is opinion.  And all of those things are going to swirl about and people are going to think what they will.  But it is not the approval of people I'm seeking anymore.  I'm going to let you have your opinions and your judgement if that is what you need.  I can't live in that cage anymore.

I can't live in the cage when I know what freedom feels like under my wings.

march, spring, harmony, vacay

Spring is on the way.  It is MARCH!  The sun is rising earlier and the birds are so happy about it.  Normally this is the time of the year where I began to plan my garden.  I'm not sure that I'm going to have a garden this year as I'll be out of the country for a good part of the summer.  I may just plant a bunch of wild flower seeds and let them take over the garden with their colors.

I've been teaching yoga now for two months.  It is really not very long at all but in that two months I've taught over 25 hours!  Every hour of that is steeped in more hours of preparation and always yields more growth and education for ME.  I certainly battle with a lot of self-doubt as I learn to be an aware teacher that is able to be fully present for each individual rather than the group as a single entity.  That is the thing about yoga, whether teaching or practicing, it has a way of bringing things to the surface, causing you to be aware but also giving you the tools to grow through.

This week I have made my website "live".  This one is dedicated to my yoga teaching and includes information about me, about scheduling private sessions, and I'll continually update it with photos and journal entries.  I have a lot of cool things coming up and I want to be able to share the adventure!

www.elimcbride.com

Continually working on bringing harmony into my everyday as I balance life.  Being a mom to adult-ish men.  Taking care of my chickens and dog.  Working my waitressing gig.  Getting in as much photography business as I can.  Teaching yoga classes and private sessions.  Chillin' with my husband.  Paying the bills.  Grocery shopping.  But guess what, we are heading to Maui in 30 days!!!!!  And we are going to spend 90% of our time AT THE BEACH in the warm water and on the warm sand.  So, harmony and balance can come to me as slowly as they wish, as long as I can count down the days and hours to vacation.  Ha!

Anyhoo.  I got called in to work an extra shift at the restaurant today.  It's cool, makes for a better paycheck but I gotta go get ready.

Until next time!