thank you, dad

Eleven years ago today, in the early hours of the morning, my dad passed away.  And still I grieve.

Grief never really goes away, it ebbs and flows as the tides of the ocean.  Sometimes I can smile as I remember.  Other times, tears flow unexpectedly.

Something I have learned about grieving is that it is really fed by the desire to pour out your love to someone who is not here to receive it.  I suppose that is true.  I would love to spend a day with my dad.  To have a conversation.  To cook for him.  To hear a story from his life before me.

Instead, I look for him and find him buried within my own personality.  I'm not just like my dad, rather I think I am a pretty fair mix between both my parents.  But the parts of my dad that I remember, like the way he'd get really quiet when he was upset, yep, me too.  He was a noticer of details and a rememberer of facts, yep, me too.  He was quick witted.  He liked music.  He loved his family.  He didn't like crowds.  Yep, me too.

Dad, you aren't here, but you are.  Someday I will hear your voice again and your laugh.  I'll see the sparkle in your blue eyes.  Until then, I miss you something fierce.  Please know I cherish the parts of myself that I inherited from you because they help me to remember you.  I hope you are proud of who I am, of what I do, because you are the driving force behind so much of it.

So today, like all the other days, I will carry on.  I will take care of my home and my family.  I will get some work done.  I'm going to make some chicken noodle soup for lunch.  I'm going to paint the trim in my bathroom that I've been putting off for a couple weeks.  And I'm going to allow my heart to feel and I'm going to be gentle with myself.

Thank you, Dad, for everything. 

the dome, a tea room, and a bay

We got a dusting of snow yesterday and today the sky is blue but the chill remains.  It's been a cleaning, organizing, restoring order sort of day.  And that's fine by me.

Wrestling season is over around here.  It was quite a season!  We wrapped it up at the State tournament in the Tacoma Dome over the weekend.  Blake didn't do what he had hoped and was sorely disappointed.  There is nothing, NOTHING, I can say that will make it feel better.  Not this.  And it breaks my heart.  But he'll be ok.  Every loss is a lesson.

During a break in the action at the Tacoma Dome we went for a little walk in search of coffee.  What we found was a tea parlor, with real tablecloths and napkins.  We felt so out of place but the owner made us feel welcome.  We each ordered a dessert (cheesecake for him, apple pie for me) and cups of coffee (with sugar cubes and real cream in a tiny pitcher!).

We aren't fancy people.  I don't even own a tablecloth!  So this was something pretty special.

The bathrooms were gorgeous.  You know I'm taking pictures of fancy bathrooms!

 

 

 

If you ever find yourself in Tacoma at Freighthouse Square be sure to stop in at Olive Branch Tea Room.  You'll probably get a hug from the nice lady in the fancy jacket.  And no, this isn't an advertisement.

 

 

Last week I ventured out to the beach.  All alone I walked on the rocky shore of a fairly calm bay.  The water lapped in gentle waves, pulling small pebbles out with it.  I had been struggling with some personal things (had been, have been, continue to) but there on that beach I breathed deeply and just let everything be.  It is when you walk along a shore or in a forest or anywhere in nature that you come to peace with the fact that you don't have control and you don't really need it afterall.  Just be with what is.

 

I had taken my camera with me and there in a state of observation I just enjoyed seeing.  Here are a few pictures from that day, unedited.  You can find more pictures on my website (link below).

 

From the dock in Bowman Bay:

 

 

 

The pattern and texture here was fascinating:

 

 

 

Here, a large fallen tree balanced perfectly on a gnarled driftwood:

 

 

 

I really like photographing windows:

 

 

 

Bowman Bay:

 

 

 

You can find more pictures in my photography journal over on my business website.  Stick around and explore the site.  Let me know what you think!

 

 

 

procrastination

My to-do list seems to grow by the minute.  And I'm such a procrastinator.  It's really not flattering.  At all.

Like today.  I have a very healthy list going on, things I need to get done, things I've rolled over from yesterday (ahem, last week).  So obviously I go get my hair done instead.  I mean, obviously.

And I'm the only one in the salon and the stylist has an open day so I'm there for a good long 90 minutes for a haircut.  By the time she's all done washing, cutting, styling, chatting, I am famished so I go for tacos.  I mean, obviously.

But seriously, we have the best little place here for carne asada tacos.

In my defense I did swing by Home Depot after tacos for paint.  Because when a person has a really long to-do list the other obvious thing to do is decide to paint the bathroom.  Right?  Ok the story behind this is that I was coloring my hair and I dropped (DROPPED!) the bottle of mixed colorant and it splattered on the wall and quickly stained the wall a lovely shade of brown.  But really, I needed to paint anyway.  We'll just start in the bathroom I guess.

Back home to do things like work on my business website and this is my legitimate face:

 

 

So the other day I told my son that my favorite nation was procrastination.  He rolled his eyes and you can too, it's ok, you have my permission.  It just seems that when you're overwhelmed it is hard to know where to even begin.  Am I right?

 

On that note, I'm off to bake brownies or some other nonsensical pastime.  But first, meet Phoebe.  She was my "assistant" while doing a real estate shoot yesterday. 

 

 

 

Until next time from procrastination!